When I first saw #GoldenShowers trending, I didn't even stop to find out what it meant. I just knew that I needed to step up. I felt like a quarterback knowing he had to get back out there to win the game:
Then I read what it was about and honestly reacted like it was nothing. Colonel Cheetos has us so desensitized to wild ass information that him soliciting prostitutes to pee on him was some "ho hum" shit. A real walk in the park. We toss the word surreal around a lot when it comes to Sunny D(onald), but "Russians have videos of this man getting peed on, so they used him as a puppet for years" is just a tad fucking surreal.
The dichotomy between President Obama's Farewell Address and Trump defending himself in all caps from pee-related allegations on Twitter to strangers made me feel a type of way. I'm happy for Barry, though. Despite his hairline remaining in suspiciously immaculate condition, the rest of him looked frail, and, based on how he was acting tonight, he looked like he hasn't been able to sex Michelle in awhile. Thankfully I have the tiny platform available to thank Barack for everything these past 8 years and formally congratulate him on the impending sex.
Also, Malia might be the only happy person on January 21st:
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