Reason #12858 Why I Don't Want To Have A Daughter

Wouldn't call this the "ideal" scenario, huh?  

I'm no scientist, but it is a proven fact that any time a girl puts a "peace sign" emoji next to their father's name in their contacts, they are officially the property of the internet.  That means sexts, webcams, generic inspirational Instagram quotes, and ho-like tendencies are all in play here.  That also means that, at this present moment, this father is either dead or in jail.  I don't see any other option personally.  Either he killed somebody, got arrested trying to kill somebody, or jumped off the roof.  

But because you have to hear both sides, I'm here to offer young nyyy nyyy (and internet hoes everywhere) some crucial advice.  If a dude you're sending nudes to has "Da" in the first two letters of their name, you have to change his name to something else like "Xena Warrior Princess."  Can't risk Pops seeing you stick popsicles in various orifices.  He worked too hard to buy you Beanie Babies and shit.  

I  can promise you that I'm not not reviewing this extensively: