My sails are so windless right now. I don't know up from down. I'm just plain disheveled. If you've been living under a rock today, Google told the world that they were recruiting for the role of "Pokemon Master" and made an update to Google Maps that included a Pokemon catching game. Well guess fucking what? It was an April Fool's joke. A joke. My life, at that very moment, made into a joke.
Yeah, I have my regular job. I also have my blogging job. I have hopes, dreams, aspirations and all of that other sappy shit, but being a Pokemon Master is my calling. I was literally not meant to do anything better in life. The moment Pokemon Red and Blue came out, it was like everything was decided. I was going to spend the rest of my life catching fictional cartoons. One of my biggest struggles in life is holding back the fact that I once caught all 150 Pokemon in middle school. It's 2014, the fact that such a thing is not a positive quality that you can add to your resume and/or job interview is maddening and oppressive.
So yeah, I'm hurt. You can't pull April Fool's jokes on March 31st. Shit's just mean. I was ready to quit my job, buy a bike, head to Cinnabar Island, swim on the coast, fight a blurry creature named MissingNo like 30 times, acquire unlimited rare candies and Master Balls, catch ALL the cartoon animals and become a celebrity. Nope, Google had to be petty. You ruined a life today, guys. You ruined a life.
PS: If you're going to throw out a April Fool's Day joke, at least be an irritable NBA player that drops a fake R&B album:
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