There's a Dog In There Somewhere

It's really hard to fight the impulse to find this dog, lure it with treats, douse it with (green, of course!) cleaning products and let it go rabid crazy on my filthy crack den of a flat. Because this monster would ruin a bitch. But such a bottomless fury of anxious shedding could never seduce me into keeping it as my pet. Unless it was the size of my iPhone.

I bet you're wondering where I've been. Full truth: this WAS my dog. I was trapped inside it until like 10 minutes ago.