From the Burger King Turkey Burger (which brought us Creepy BurgerFest Guy), to the Dunkin Donuts Turkey Sausage Egg and Cheese sandwich, to this Carl Jr. somehow-different-turkey-burger, fast food companies are trying to pass of turkey as a healthy alternative to some of their other products. OK, fine. Americans are pretty fat and we could probably use a break from all the fat that comes with normal fast food. I get it. But who has ever gone in to one of those places looking for healthy food? I mean, honestly guys. do less.
First of all, burgers have no business being healthy. I've never once thought to myself "I'd like a delicious and nutritious meal. I think I'll grab a burger." Clearly no one buying fast food burgers cares. There are 2 rules to peddling fast food burgers: 1) Make them taste good 2) Don't tell me what's in them. I don't care if you make it with exclusively donkey ankle meat, if a burger tastes good I couldn't care less about any of its other qualities.
Second of all, you stay the fuck away from my breakfast sandwiches, turkey. 99% of the time I'm eating a breakfast sandwich, I'm viciously hung over (because as we all know, 1 part breakfast sandwich + 1 part Gatorade + 1 part advil = 1 perfect hangover cure). The last thing any poor sap just trying to get his head back to normal is thinking about is how healthy his morning-after breakfast sandwich is.
So turkey, from all of us. You own Thanksgiving, hell you knock out Christmas a lot of the time. But you leave our fast food alone, ya hear me?
0 Reactions to this post
Add CommentPost a Comment