Dad? Nah, I ain't your daddy. This little green anime bird thing is your daddy now. The lifelike movement and emotions of this plastic simulated animal can more than replicate what I will be able to offer. Essentially, we're weighing my ability to parent via the couch and slightly inebriated versus the abilities of a electronic fucking penguin.
As long as this thing can reiterate, "Wear a condom", "Strip Clubs are not the play", and "Leave Daddy/That Dude Sitting In The Basement With A Beer alone", then we are in good shape. Don't worry about the academics and what not. That's not really that important in the grand scheme when the kid will inherit the WMD empire that should be estimated at $3,478.45 in 2057. That's enough for like 2 months rent. I'm a great dad.
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