And needless to say my entire life philosophy is all messed up. I was essentially programmed with two plans: A) Try not to have a daughter B) If I have a daughter, make sure she is not a stripper. Well now I have no idea what to do. Is the revised play to have a daughter and force her to be a stripper? And if so, how does one go about doing that?
PLAN:
(It's already implied that you have to be a terrible person and have an equally terrible spouse)
1) Name her something very stripperish like: Champagne, Virtually Any Gemstone, Your Favorite Bottle of Alcohol
2) Raise her poorly - err on the side of neglect, but make sure you're a driving force in her life. This part's tough, but it'll payoff when she's making millions being naked on a stage.
3) Make school optional - focus on fitness and monitoring the dudes that she brings home (unless they can make great industry connections, of course) because fat and STDs are not the move when you're a highly successful stripper.
4) Have a "DD Account" saved up in the bank - this is more of a "Break in Case of Emergency" thing.
5) Yearly trips to the NBA All Star Game - call these "recon missions"
6) Strategically kick her out of the house, BUT REMEMBER THAT YOU WERE A DRIVING FORCE IN HER LIFE WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE SO SHE WILL RECIPROCATE WITH $$$.
7) Never go to the club she is at - you have standards, remember?
8) Chill on the couch and wait for stripper checks to come in
9) Wait for the knock on the door, subsequent hug and "Thank You, Daddy" from your daughter 4 years later.
10) Eventually go to the VIP section of Hell.
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