Baby Sold On Facebook For $850 In Drug Money

I've been on a pretty  impressive "saying questionable things" streak, so I might as well keep it alive by saying, that I'm on board with buying/investing in kids.  There, it's out in the open.  Let me explain.

This baby:

has to be worth at least $5 million dollars.  Combining Dirk Nowitzki with a tall, slender black woman could equal the greatest basketball player in the history of basketball.  5 mil is a bargain, nay, a steal.

Now I don't agree with the selling of the baby, but love the value in picking one up for $850.  The odds are high in your favor for a solid return on your investment.  At this stage in my life, I almost have to buy a baby for $850 if the situation presents itself.  She might be the next Adele or Beyonce, depending on race.  I could also have a little LeBron James.  If the demon child turns into a psychopath or a wildly unsuccessful person, what's $850 in the grand scheme?  That's just 850 McDoubles to me.  Yeah, I see dollars as cheeseburgers, but that doesn't mean that I can't spot an investment when I see one.

I want this Blake Griffinized Dirk baby and I need it within the week.