Tuesday, January 15, 2013

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HOL' UP: Ryan Gosling Was Almost In The Backstreet Boys



ZOMG.

Definitely had to get that out of the way before I typed words again.

First off, the source that provided this information was borderline crackhead and overall creepy dude, AJ, so this can all be taken with a grain of salt. That being said, (really holding myself back from saying "ZOMG" again and I fear this won't be the last) if this shit happened, how would the landscape of the world appear today? Let's go through bizarro world scenarios that probably would have happened if Gosling was in BSB.

1) "Thanks For The Add" starring Ryan Gosling.

2) "Blazer & Jeans" Ryan Gosling ft. Soulja Boy would soar the Billboard Top 100.

3) Nick Carter would obviously OD on Vicadin

4) Justin Bieber would go to Niagara University and parlay his decent-subpar singing skills into some drunken ass here and there.

5) JC Chasez would obviously OD on Vicadin

6) Gosling dates Britney, Timberlake dates Mandy Moore, Chris Kirkpatrick dates Willa Ford (still, no one cares), and Christina still ends up fat. It was inevitable.

7) Vanessa Bryant would have been with Kobe shooting in the gym.

8) "Redacted joke that involves 9/11"

9) "Dick in the Box" still gets made by Timberlake, but it's just not as good.

10) "THE NOTEBOOK" WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED AND IF IT DID RYAN REYNOLDS WOULD HAVE STARRED IN IT AND IT WOULD HAVE GONE STRAIGHT TO DVD AND ON SALE NEAR THE CHECKOUT AISLE AT TJ MAXX.

Basically the equivalent of your parents telling you that you were adopted. Or something.

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