Probably Buying A WiFi Donkey Within The Next Few Weeks

There's baller and then there's having a donkey following you around so you consistently have WiFi.

First order of business would be to immediately walk into an AT&T store, request assistance, refuse all 3G/4G LTE options on the account that "I have a donkey for that", and generally bother everyone around me. The only issue would be keeping this donkey alive long enough for my phone contract to expire. Actually, how do you keep a donkey alive period? Hay? How do you get hay? What the fuck IS hay?

This is kinda becoming an issue. A pure unadulterated test of my need to ball out vs. my inability to take care of WiFi carrying livestock. Go to the club with a donkey and the ability to FaceTime or buying a shovel to bury a donkey carcass? Questions I don't know if I want to answer.

Fuck it, we'll ball out. I need to log into this ass ASAP.