Six Cows Crashed A Party And Drank All Of The Beer

^it's like those movies where the cool jocks come to ruin the nerd party and drink all of their beer. Except with cows and hicks.

They drank ALL the beer? In the words of the great Ronald Burgandy, "I'm not even mad; that's amazing."

Back in my college days when 400 underage kids crowded a 10x10 foot enclosure, beer was in very short supply. Kegs got tapped in 5 minutes and bottles were blatantly stolen out of fridges. Nowadays, every "party" we have has about 15 wounded soldiers (partially drank beer) and capless bottles scattered throughout the house. To the untrained eye, it looked like a wild party went on, but in reality, no one really drank that much. We're just getting old.

Back in the day it took me 10-12 beers to get pretty drunk. Now that number varies severely. The other night I had TWO beers and was borderline incapacitated. Three mixed drinks and I'm liable to throw up before the night's over. Add in the aggressive hangover and I'm basically a shell of my former self.

So drink on you alcoholic fucking cows. Get it in while you can because before you know it, you're going to take two sips of a beer you clearly didn't want to buy, look around sneakily, and put it down on a table where your friends or bartender couldn't see it.

PS. Can we stop calling cows, "bovine?" I'm so against things having two names that I am legitimately going to write a letter to Congress.