Happy Mother's Day Mom!!

Ok, guys, I narrowed it down to a few gifts that I'm going to next-day-air Mama to virtually ensure that she'll disown me forever. Let's give them a scan:

"Hey Mom, thought you'd look great in a ironically Japanese Lucha Libre mask. Just kidding! It's actually a facial exercise mask that squeezes your nerves and improves platelet regeneration--whatever that means! Love you, Mom!!!"

"Hey Mom, I know the racial atmosphere is a little dicey and people routinely get shot/killed for mistakenly having a gun, but fuck it, here's a gun purse! It's a purse shaped like a gun. It'll be so funny when you go to places like the bank and airports. Love you, Mom!!!"

Real talk, my mother might actually like this and this borderline might be the perfect gift for her. I'm halfway through inputting my credit card number as we speak. Is this a sign that my Mom's a weirdo or that I'm wildly incorrect and will immediately be dropped from her lineage. Only one way to find out I guess...CONFIRM PURCHASE.

Get yo' Mama a card this weekend. She birthed you.

PS. Without us, our Mom's wouldn't be mothers and thus ineligible to celebrate "Mother's Day." In a sense we make this holiday for them. It's true, but don't you dare say that to them.