Despite This Completely Legitimate Video, I Just Can't Let Myself Believe A Prison Robot Exists

I'm no technology expert, but if this isn't the most rushed attempt at prison-robot construction ever, I don't know what is.

You're telling me this:

is going to stop a man from stabbing another man with a sharpened spork? Push this WALL-E looking motherfucker on his side and he's rendered obsolete.

No offense, but you're just a glorified carbon monoxide alarm, bro. You see unrest and you start making a shit ton of noise? That's your best move? The first day you malfunction, your entire legitimacy will be questioned forever. Can't have convicted felons pulling the ol' "I think it's broken" move on you. Unless you have lasers/legs/reason I can't find a spot for you in the lineup.

If any of you watched the show "Oz", please picture the show with this thing as the main prison guard and I guarantee you'll start laughing.