Umm, I Guess?

Call me old-fashioned, but I usually go with a box of chocolates and some flowers. But in the event that I'm racking my brain, I'll be sure to set up my future ex-girlfriend's funeral ASAP!

Dub J. Valentine's PSA (Because I'm single and know everything about the subject):

You're about to enter the warzone. Prepare for the rush to make your reservation and two hours of sitting elbow-to-elbow with people who, like you, hate everything. Order some steak and salmon off the pre-fixe menu, but don't expect much, it won't fill you up. Don't forget to call the cab hours in advance to avoid awkward "did you fart?" situations while waiting on the street. Debate a movie. Don't see a movie, but half-heartedly you both wanted to see Tatum dominate "The Vow." Get home. Both slyly make moves to the bathroom. Obligatorily fornicate. Tomorrow's another day. Access the damage.

Fellas, more or less someone beat you up and stole $300 out of your wallet.

Happy Valentine's Day readers!