Stick Stickly Was The Worst Host Nickelodeon Could Have Chosen For "Nick In The Afternoon"

"Mommmm? Why isn't Doug on, and more importantly, why is this Popsicle stick imparting his views on me?"

That's basically what I said the first time Nickelodeon pulled this absolute fucking stunt before it's afternoon banger lineup. You remember that lineup, right? Hey Arnold, Doug, Rugrats, and either Rocket Power/Ren & Stimpy/doesn't matter because you were on Cloud 9 for 90 minutes straight. Then Stick Stickly showed up.

Maybe I was a little ahead of my time, but didn't the overall concept of a stick with googly eyes and some crudely applied arts & crafts supplies throw anyone else off? It was just a childish display that took time from the important questions of my pre-teen world. Like: what rerun of Doug am I about to watch? Will Helga finally roofie Arnold? Why haven't I gotten Reptar for my birthday or Christmas yet? Instead I'm subjected to a finished ice cream stick throwing bad joke after bad joke at me for an awkwardly long 2-3 minutes. I just sat there trapped in my own house, scared to turn the channel because my alternatives were Home Improvement and General Hospital. No thanks.

Stick Stickly..really? That's like if I was Jewish and my blog name was Blogger Bloggerstein.