Facebook Friday #7

Frankly, FB Friday is in a vegetative state. Ready to die, but stubbornly surviving. That’s how I like my blogs. Here we go:

1. Guy Touches 1000 Boobs…But Somehow Doesn’t Get Arrested?

Yes, I know the video is 20 minutes, but what do you expect? Honestly, I don’t think I’ve seen 500 girls this month, so this is definitely a feat in a pervy, sexual-assault-ish sort of way. I’m downright shocked no police officers were on the scene during any of this. Waiting for the sequel: “Guy Grabs 1000 Asses.” That should be high comedy. Thanks CD.

2. Reviewing a Book I Never Read/Will Read: “Why Men Love Bitches”

Don’t need to drop $11.99 when I already know the answer to this painfully easy question. Bitches make you work hard. Simple as that. Imagine turning on Super Mario, stomping on Bowser’s head once and the screen flashing “You Win” and the credits roll. You’d be pissed right? That’s like a girl coming onto you (unless she’s hot) and just throwing her underwear in your face. It’s not that fun (READ: UNLESS SHE’S HOT) when there is no element of challenge out there. A bitch will make you buy her, her 7 friends, her ex-boyfriend, and some other random dude next to you shots before she lets you rattle off 2 sentences to her. Granted they suck, but there’s a reason they’re a dominant force out there. Thanks ER

3. Dub Jeezy’s Guilty Pleasure 90’s Song

Don’t think I didn’t just do the dance right now at my work desk, because I will not hesitate to do it again. Literally told NO ONE that I liked this song. Shit like that would get you beat up and stuffed in a locker in ’99. But once I got some privacy, you best believe I was jamming to this fake MTV boy-band. I definitely confused the show and real-life a few times when I patiently waited for them to drop an album. Never happened. RIP Michael “QT” Cucchione. Thanks CG

BONUS Hilarious Picture:


4.Memphis Grizzlies Jerseys Last Night

Great googly moogly these are ugly. Made me think of a joke intramural basketball team that had literally zero talent and tried to compensate for that by dressing in an outrageous uniform. Except this was a professional basketball team in the NBA, that’s actually pretty good. I don’t know if it was “Dress Like Dog Shit” night out in the Staples Center last night, but someone or somewhoever should be fired and blackballed from all NBA-jersey related business. Thanks EJT

5. Iamastuffedanimal.com
This. Site. Is. Awesome. I’m going to make 30 Dub Jeezy stuffed characters right now regardless of cost just so I can continue feeding into my crippling God complex. Real talk, will it make me look like a serial killer if I have 30 dolls of my likeness lined around my bed? What if I give them different outfits? Yikes. Thanks Spellgirl.

6. My Thoughts On Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego
Hated her. Crafty bitch. Also didn’t get why her last name was Sandiego and why people weren’t looking in San Diego, California more often. I never watched the cartoon because it just wasn’t very good. But that game show was the JAM. 11 year old kids in wayy over their heads trying to identify maps and place suctioned poles on countries. It was high comedy and the hardest shit I’ve ever seen. Definitely hated the host too. I was the Playa Hater of the Year when it came to that show. Thanks ER.

1500th post bitches!