I'm So Bad At Being On Vacation, It's Not Even Funny

So for those of you that don't know, I have the entire week off from work this week. Yup. Sailing the high seas fishing for Great White sharks in Bermuda, playing Yahtzee with Castro in Cuba, and ecstasy'ing my brains off with Nicki Minaj in Amsterdam. It's going to be a crazy week. I don't know if I'll have enough time.

Just kidding, I'm STILL in my boxers. No vacation planned, no exotic beaches, and most certainly no Yahtzee with Castro. I found out I had to take this week off in October and immediately scrambled to ask all (7) of my friends to see if they wanted to go somewhere fun the first week December. Almost everyone responded with a resounding "no" like I said something offensive, but I thought things would blow over and everything would fall into place. Nope. So I had the borderline depressing idea of vacationing...by myself. I'd have to pretend I'm on a business trip right? Rolling around (random spot X) with a suit and tie on with a pep in my step like an asshole. That's no way to live. So I just bit the bullet and decided to stay home and accept my "Staycation" like a man. Then I immediately went online to see cheap flights to anywhere because the idea of a Staycation was legitimately terrifying.

Called my Mom up and said, "Hey, I'm thinking about going to Texas for this week off I got. What do you think?" She responded with, "That sounds great. Can I come?" I proceeded to essentially cry about how I'm a grown man and don't need to be babysat all day erryday and how responsible I am, blah, blah, blah. She wrapped up the convo by saying, "I just thought it'd be a fun time and I've never been to Texas. Asshole." She didn't call me an asshole, but you know she was thinking it. So there I was, no allies on a quest to maintain a sound social standing by avoiding staying home for a full 5 days in a row. Just when you think things can't get worse, my phone broke and I need to wait 3-5 days for a replacement to be delivered. Basically a large karmic "Fuck You" for yelling at my mother I'm assuming.

Here I am, a humbled man. Boxers on, swag REAL low, and no real meal schedule. I slept in, went to the gym, made breakfast, worked on the blog (gasp!), and went into the city for lunch. Came back and it was like 12:18--I thought it was at least 4. I'm not on suicide watch, but I'm definitely not not on suicide watch.

PS. Up until 7 minutes ago, I thought the only version of "Vacation" was sang by Angelica of "The Rugrats." The old version fucking sucks. What up Angelica: