Friends Ask Dub: "What Have You Been Up To During Your Staycation?"

Hey guys! I haven't killed myself yet. And I'm only in the mild stages of hoarding. All in all, I have to call it a success thus far. The only alarming thing is the fact that I keep asking myself these 3 very alarming questions everyday:

Question 1: What is an errand?

I wake up, get my bearings, read everything on ESPN.com, and sit there kind of confused for awhile. When my head clears I go through the list of things I need to do and quickly realize I don't have shit to do. Not one. I'm borderline creating errands for myself. Squeezing out way more body wash than normal, egregiously pouring out alarming amounts of milk into cereal, and straight up going to the post office for no reason. So really..what is a fucking errand?

Question 2: What day is it? (Multiple times)

Kind of self-explanatory, but whenever I'm off for more than 2 consecutive days I become oblivious to date and time. Throw a broken phone into the mix and I'm essentially Amish. I tweeted, "Absolutely no idea what day it is" not as a joke, but a cry for help. Damn near had to wait for one of my roommates to get home before I found out it was Wednesday. Is it Wednesday?

Question 3: When was the last time I've eaten?

I'm either malnourished or over-nourished. I have no way of knowing and my body damn sure isn't giving me any indication what's going on. Today I ate some Trix (because that's the only cereal anyone should be eating on Staycation), went to the gym, came back and made eggs, bacon, and toast. Didn't realize I ate Trix this morning til about 20 minutes ago. Also ate a burger 20 minutes ago. I'm in trouble.

That said, I'm having an awesome time spiraling into dementia and I give this Staycation a B+.