Study: Women Can Only Keep Secrets For 32 Minutes

In a hypothetical world where I actually talked to girls, you best believe I wouldn't tell a deep secret to one. If I talk to a girl at a bar for more than 5 minutes, there is a pretty good chance I find out some pretty personal information about one of her closest friends. It's just how you guys roll genetically. No one's fault, but completely your fault.

No offense, but girls hate other girls. It's just a battle each and every day with you guys. Back in the days when I had a girlfriend, you can just as easily see a girl hang out with another girl all day, come back home and tell you that bitch has herpes and she's failing all of her classes. That basically happened to me. I just had to walk around campus with the burden of someone's darkness sitting in me for no reason. I guess her 32 minute clock expired. That's like a fucking episode of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia." And once the credits roll, it becomes a real life, "The 'Gang' aka You Find Out Your Girlfriend's Best Friend Most Certainly Has Herpes."

Guys are the polar opposite with that shit. I've held so many of my friends' "fat hookup" stories in I'm basically a credit union. A guy friend is virtually a savings account of all the fucked up shit you get into whereas a girl is like a loan shark. Minus the broken thumbs.