Friends Ask Dub: "Why Do Guys Shit On Other Guys When They're In The Beginning Process Of Dating A Girl?"

A tradition as old as time itself. As a guy, it's in your genetic makeup to hate your closest male friends' romantic happiness. Doesn't matter how great the girl is or the improvements she made on your friend's life. As your closest confidants, it is our responsibility to make you feel absolutely terrible about the prospect of having a girlfriend and experiencing true, unrivaled joy.

I've been on both sides of the fence here. Been the shitter and the shittee. Actually scratch that, that's probably the grossest thing I've ever said. I'm one of those weak types that can dish it with the best of them, but can't take it well. Back in the day when I was wifed up, I took a beating. Some of the most elaborate, well-conceived disses were thrown my way whenever I considered sleeping over at my girlfriend's. Mental tears like crazy. On the other side, whenever my friend goes to visit his girl, I make sure to thoroughly berate him before he gets on the road for the weekend. No "have a safe ride" or "tell her I said hi", just borderline hatred. It's because we're too fucking cool to admit to losing our wing man. Literally the gayest part of heterosexual male friendship is the fact that we can't deal with losing the friend to a chick. Because face it, our jokes can't compete with her sex. We turn to cheap middle school tactics of mental destruction to get you to avoid turning to the "dark" side. Ridiculous on all counts.

Short answer: we're assholes.