Breast Milk? On Groupon?

I've received roughly 4000 emails from Groupon about every possible thing I want nothing to do with. They should ask "race" in the preferences section because they'd know right away that I have no fucking interest in "Hang-Gliding" or "Whale Watching." But most of all, they'd know that all black people, at some point in their life become lactose intolerant.

Obviously I'm not on some "I take Lactaid when I smell ice cream" stuff, but I definitely experience some..unrest. But leave it to Groupon to stare me down, analyze my tastes, and make the educated assumption that I'd be interested in breast milk from the Indiana Mothers' Milk Bank (IMMB). Might as well offer the president of the KKK a Blu-Ray of Tyler Perry's "Diary of A Mad Black Woman" and see how well that goes over. I'm not saying I won't take a deal from a bevy of generously breasted women of Indiana. I'm just saying I'll be farting on the game like Terrance & Phil in one of those episodes of South Park you definitely can't watch with a girl.

I'm just waiting for that one bombshell Groupon offer that encompasses everything I'm about. If they took $0.50 off my bar tab on any given Friday night I will Yelp the shit out of Groupon with positive reviews.