This Burrito Potentially Ruined My Labor Day Weekend

Had this little monster on Friday afternoon and I felt like I was a member of FEMA doing a poor job tending to a disaster. Sending out newsletters and shit like, "We have the burrito under control, please understand that we are doing the best we can."

I'd like to consider myself a burrito connoisseur. One that can recognize and adapt to the intricacies of a burrito. As you can see, I kept the foil on and wasn't playing any rookie ball bullshit. But this picture proves that even the best can falter. Sometimes you can't overlook those small holes that have a couple grains of rice poking through--they quickly turned into large holes where there is simply no return. You may ask, "Dub, did you grab a fork and just concede defeat to the burrito?" Answer: fuck no. I'm going out fighting even though I'm staring down the barrel of a messy face, multiple napkin runs, and the ridicule that comes with eating a depleted burrito like a jackass. I'll say it, I was ashamed of myself. I know I'm better than that, but I also know I have to work harder to make sure it doesn't happen again.

PS. I'm pretty sure that the next girl that can actually watch me eat a burrito without being utterly disgusted or making fun of me will be my wife. There's no clearer sign of love than catching someone wipe their sour-cream/salsa covered hand under the bottom of the chair and pretending not to notice.