Let's Talk Fitted Sheets

There's everyday frustration and then there's dealing with the antics of a fitted fucking sheet.

Every night when I go to sleep I make sure the bed's in good order. Pillows arranged and fitted sheet tightened like a boss. But when I wake up, the bed is barren and I'm suffocating in a cocoon of linen hell. There's nothing more awful than waking up from a nightmare in the middle of the night only to be trapped in a king-size linen sheet. So I ask you readers, what's really good with fitted sheets?

Have we not reached an alternative? At the very least something way more practical and efficient? On top of that, I may go an entire lifetime without folding a fitted sheet correctly. I just concede and ball that shit up. Pretty sure only mothers possess that skill-set. So I'm dealing with a wrinkled ass bed that virtually swallows me every night and tons of unanswered questions. You guys are pretty weird if you consistently read this blog, so if any of you know a "Made-For-TV" product that I can sub in for this monstrosity, I promise to send you a prize.

"Prize" being figurative/SoCo lime shot/make-out(if you're a chick). Get to it everyone!