In Desperate Need Of The Andes Teletransporter For Whenever A Girl Is Stupid Enough To Date Me

I'm your run of the mill, slightly above average boyfriend. I try to make sure you're happy, say some dumb shit here and there, and occasionally get drunk and pretend I'm in a hospital when I'm actually in a teleportation device at the back of the bar. Pretty much like every dude out there. Feel me fellas?

Why do girls dislike the idea of guys going to a bar with their friends so much? Don't you remember how we hit on you? We were kind of attractive, wildly obnoxious, and badgered you consistently until you broke down. That's who you're dating. That's the guy who's not swooning women out of their clothes while his fingers are a covered in BBQ wing sauce. The fact that Argentinian scientists had to spend man hours and tax dollars making a teleportation device that recreates ambient noise so girlfriends would get fooled is fucking outrageous. Some bonkers level stuff. And it's not our fault ladies. When fellas get backed into a corner we do weird shit. A lot of times it's going to be dumb and potentially dangerous, but sometimes we stumble upon girlfriend fooling, sound averting teleportation devices that will probably cause a wild increase in cheating.

The karate class sound was absolute genius. If a girl can spot you lying through that one, you either have to marry her or break up with her immediately.