I'm Going To Buy The "Emotional" Cellphone And It Won't Be Depressing At All

Let's cut the bullshit, it's going to be VERY depressing when I secretly buy the emo-phone and completely stop going out on weekends.

"Nah guys, I'm good. I'm just going to chill here with my Samsung Fascinate and watch some Project Runway." I can see it now--whipped by my phone during the first week of our relationship. It'll probably ask me stupid, inane girl questions like, "Why don't we hold hands in public?" and "Why do you keep turning me on silent?" But hey, it's a relationship. That's what you sign up for in the fine print of the "Terms and Conditions" at the AT&T store.

On a positive, yet weird note, I definitely won't have to call my phone on the phone. I'll just talk outloud and if it doesn't hear me, it's not my fault. Not my problem you have a 14-hole speaker system and not a fully developed ear canal. And I think texting is a just a part of the "physical" experience I share with my emo-phone. So hey, you guys have fun out there this weekend talking, dancing, and inevitably arguing with your human girlfriends. I'll be chillin' at the crib getting air kisses on my cheek and having the ability to press the OFF button whenever I start losing an argument.