If I Don't Get A Pizza In The Papa John's Million Pizza Giveaway I'm Going To Be So Pissed

I don't know what a brotha has to do to receive a free pizza anymore these days.

You know why I need this? I'm so damn tired of cooking. I've put in so much time making the same 23 year old dude meals it's stupid and I definitely plateaued. Still walking around grocery stores unintentionally creeping out girls like an asshole. You know what I'm going to eat tonight? Neither do I, but I can tell you it's either going to involve chicken or ground beef, pasta or rice, and a piece of fucking garlic bread. The options are literally endless. Or 8, I think. Permutations? I'm still unsure of words such as "skewering" and "broiling." It's not baking, but it's not grilling? That shit's like the purgatory of cooking terms. But yeah Papa J, how about you hook me up with a large supreme before I eat another poorly made cheeseburger and die of salmonella. I'm not even 2% sure that's the correct disease associated with that meat. Dub J, dead with a case of "some gross disease that made him shit himself to death" at age 24.

If I don't have my free large pepperoni by kickoff Sunday people may die, WMD may go into a dark place, and I may mark all of your future emails as spam. No one likes a tease.