I'd Literally Kill Myself If This Happened

There are only a few things that could push me to the brink. Loud chewing, badass kids, and the morning commute.

Every morning I've asked myself, "Is today the day you snap?" Could it be the fact that the driver stared me down for literally 100 yards as I sprinted towards the train and pulled off when I was at yard 99? Maybe it could be that 30-something chick that REALLY thinks I'm going to give up my seat for her. I'm not sure, but I am sure that if 1/1000th of what happened in that video happened to me, you best believe I'll be murder-suiciding it up. That's rock bottom. A fucking city official pushing me via my ass onto a dangerously packed train? Are you kidding me? I get upset if I get brushed by one of those backpack assholes that carry hiking edition North Faces on their way to the office. I can't imagine what would happen if I was in China at 7:45 AM and there were 13 people lodged between my legs. Hell, I'd probably get someone pregnant AND get sexually assaulted at the same time without even taking off my clothes.

Can't knock that Chinese efficiency though. One child policy, baby girls "lost" in the Yangtze, and a AAA credit rating is pretty much where it's at.