Quite Possibly The Worst Person On The Planet

It's not your eyes deceiving you, that is a dude in a suit "Segwaying"(?) his dog up a crowded downtown street. Never before have I felt such a civic duty to kill another person.

Pardon the grainy "Blair Witch Project" type picture, but it's not exactly easy chasing creepily following a dude on a fucking Segway. Those things top out at 15 MPH which fits awkwardly between a brisk walk and a slow jog. But enough pointless chatter, let's break this asshole down.

There's NO situation where you can look cool on a Segway. You can have Halle Berry chillin' on your shoulders videochatting Eva Longoria, and you still won't have an ounce of cool in your step. That being said, a suit is literally the worst thing you can wear. Pure outrageous arrogance on just about every level. You're saying, "I want to look good when I'm riding my Segway." Kill yourself and let the dog go, because there's no reason he should be subjected to this. For all I know, this is a cool dog, but it's about the company you keep. You end up looking like a dick too pup, sorry.

This really gives me little to no hope for society. Should have cross-bowed this guy when I had the chance.