Disastrous: BK, Sonic, And..Starbucks Serving Alcohol?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? Did they just say that Burger King is going to have a "Whopper Bar" at night? Is Starbucks literally about to serve wine? And Sonic's..just being Sonic? Seriously, I've never even seen a Sonic so God knows what sketchy shit goes on behind their dirty grills.

Let's backtrack to the Whopper Bar. Don't think that slipped past me generic white newslady. What the untrained ear heard was: Burger King is going to be serving beers late night. What I heard: this is going to literally be the easiest, grossest, makeshift bar of all-time. You ever been to a decent bar and it's hovering around 2am and the DJ says his goodbyes? That desperate scramble for ass pales in comparison to the stampede set to occur in and around the BK bathrooms at 2am. I expect nothing less than fat cows, hoodrats, trannys, wankstas, Craw, scallywags, and the poor minimum wage workers just going to war each and every Friday and Saturday night. Some people fighting because they couldn't pick up that 1.5 trash monster chillin' near the soda machine and others bickering because the fryers are simply too concerned for their well-being to keep making onion rings for the homeless people that slipped through the cracks.

That being said, I would cry tears of joy if I could be the one to use the giant scissors and cut the red tape and let all the vagrants of the world in.