Pumped For The Beach This Year!

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Despite the temperature being sub-60 degrees today, it's starting to get hot around these parts. That means beach season is back in session. I couldn't be less fucking thrilled. I hate the beach. I'm EXACTLY like that tired ass seal up there when I'm on a beach.

I'm always verbally assaulted within seconds of getting on beaches. "Dub get in the water" "Dub your sand castle sucks" "Turn off your Ipod man and toss the football with us" Hate, hate, fucking hate. Leave me alone on the beach. I'm just trying to get my bearings out there. Literally haven't comfortably stood on sand at any point in my life. Consistently spraining my ankle casually walking near the water. The terrain is awful, the water is cold, the girls aren't as hot as you're expecting them to be, and there are douchebags everywhere. Johnny Bravos all over the place.

Hey, I'll pass this year. If I somehow get conned out there, you best believe I'll be on my lazy seal shit all day.