Wait, Panera Is Letting You Name The Price For Your Meal?

St. Louis is the fucking best. First, they gave us the Midwest Swing and now they're giving away free food on the regular. Cut the malarkey about "naming your own price" because you and I both know you'll probably pay full price the first day, but pay zero dollars every time thereafter.

First off, I rarely pop into Panera Bread as is because I'm not cool/uncool enough to be in there. I need at least one Macbook Pro and two Ipads to make the wheels go'round in there. Plus everyone is wearing glasses and I don't even know if that's baller, but it puts me in a weird spot. Plus I'm always wary of a place that serves apples as sides. But free apples are another god damn story. I'll crush just about any food if it's given to me for the price of none, excluding Tootsie Rolls of course--shit's impossibly gross. Plus I think Tootsie Rolls are currency in like 4th world countries. You can't eat coins. Ok, digression's over. I feel like this Panera is making Lemonade Stand-type dollars. Finishing out the week with a total of $27.

How pissed are the cashiers? They have to literally wow the customer with a magic show to make more than $0.50 on a purchase. Me personally, I'm going to need you to recite "Take Me There" verbatim from the "Rugrats Movie" soundtrack. If you can do that, I'll pay the "suggested" price for my soup-sandwich combo.