How Upset Would You Be If Your Umbrella Was Confused For A Rifle And Caused The SWAT Team To Roll Up On You At The Mall?

Anyone with an umbrella is already pissed off to begin with. If it's small, it's soaked and undoubtedly too weak to withstand the slightest gust of wind. You know those umbrellas that go inside out the second someone sneezes. No one's happy about that. This dude obviously has one of those large obtrusive umbrellas that take up the entire sidewalk and make enemies throughout the day. He probably got a few scowls during the day that attributed to him being a little bitter whilst in the Burlington Mall. Can't blame him there. We can blame the overachieving person (woman) that decided it was appropriate to call the fucking SWAT team.

Seriously, how do you respond if you're the person that gave that false report? If it were me, I'd immediately try to make a joke about it like, "Umm, MY BAD", and put one of those exaggerated smiles on my face. Just praying I won't get gunbucked by an especially angry SWAT member. Apparently umbrella guy was "cooperative" and "reasonable." I'd be outside my mind the minute I was found innocent. Doing everything just below the line of being detained and demanding Samsonite provide me with one of those baller $150 umbrellas that would truly establish me as the asshole of the sidewalk. It's the only course of action. Two wrongs absolutely make a right. At least in my world.