Have I Missed Out On Life? Apparently People Are Racing Goldfish At Bars

Holy shit.

I've been waiting to see the bar game revolutionized and I think some higher being has answered my request. Gone are the typical bar games of Pop-A-Shot and unsuccessfully hitting on girls and here is Goldfish racing. First off, this has some Michael Vick-PETA Rally shit written all over it and secondly, this is fantastic. Like, these fish can't die BECAUSE of the race right? Goldfish die when the clock strikes 3:17PM on a Tuesday. Random and inexplicable. Sometimes the world's too much for them. Why not make life fulfilling and allow degenerates to propel you through dirty water via straw? At least have something to hang your hat on when you decide that you're a goldfish and life isn't that fun.

Sidenote, does having tremendous lung capacity guarantee you multiple goldfish race victories? I can definitely see girls eating this up for the first few months this is popular and then harshly realizing that they were hooking up with guys that were good at goldfish racing.