Reason #627 On Why I Hate Work And Have Had Like 43 Jobs

^fast forward to 30 second mark

Proof is in the pudding folks. I mean, if the morning commute wasn't bad enough, imagine being directly involved in a people-avalanche at 8:42 Tuesday morning. That would put a bit of a damper on your day huh?

No spot in this scenario is really safe. If you're at the top or bottom when the escalator goes into turbo mode, you are in some serious trouble. Almost definitely getting smushed on some Super Mario Brothers shit. The middle is a complete wild-card spot. Coin-flip chance that the back flow from the people up top propel you over the people on the bottom creating an awesome story to tell the co-workers. Hope I didn't jinx myself for tomorrow.

Know what the sad thing is? I'd rather be one of those people chillin' under several pairs of work shoes than the dude that escaped. Simply and solely because I wouldn't have to go to work due to my extended stay in the hospital.

Apparently The 2012 Paraplegic Olympic Games In London Are Racist

I don't know Iran, it kind of looks like some polygons are hitting the dance floor or possibly fornicating. Nothing fishy really going down from the looks of it.

Not to get political or anything, but can Iran relax for a minute? Just a hot-head waiting to argue over anything. Reminds me of that chick in that sociology class we all took for an easy A. The professor will say something mildly controversial, but since it's a 9am class, and there's like 12 people there, no one will really contest what he said. Then there's that enterprising banshee in the back with her laptop, 5-Star binder, and tape recorder, peppy as a motherfucker and ready to get into a verbal brawl. You immediately regret taking this class, most definitely screwed up with that 9am registration time, and soon realize that Drop/Add period is over. That folks is Iran.

REALLY hoping this doesn't get me hunted/killed/WMD shut down because Iran is sneaky troublesome. Wonder if Obama will read my request for protection coming from a professional email address such as: workingmansdiary@gmail.com.

That was a sneaky hint to send anything funny, informative or unfunny to that email address ^. It's come down to me threatening my life and offending third world countries to get a post up these days. Need help now.

Never Thought Hitting A Free Throw Would Look So Impossible

Give me 10 attempts on the line with Wild Bill and Co. standing behind the hoop and I might hit the rim three times. Can't believe this dude could pull himself together to hit 1 of 2. The Tea pot song couldn't have been better executed I can't believe it. I like the enthusiasm for Disney despite the disturbing Little Mermaid costume ruining the tale for ages 1-6.

Some people are gifted in their studies...others better showcase their talents in music or athletics. Wild Bill seems to have found his own niche...Where it gets him other than Sport Centers not top 10 who knows? Should he consider some kind of cash incentive here from Utah State? The board would have no choice but to applaud his efforts with the selfless work ethic presented.

This Magnetic Kid Must Live A Tortured Life

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Even through watching X-Men and seeing Magneto being the most "powerful" of all the mutants, I still wouldn't want that power. What? You can control metal. Oh shit, you toppled a 6-month long construction project just because you can move metal structure. Now you're the asshole that put multiple workers out of business. Dude's have families to feed.

Now we have this kid. His situation is nothing like Magneto-just wanted to toss a witty X-Men reference into a blog. But yeah, he can't go near any metal objects. That means no Playstation, internet "film", and blogging. I'd be finished. Living without a soul for years just waiting to die off at some point. Don't know how this kid is smiling at any point in this video. Maybe it's because he's from Serbia, and ice fishing is like the equivalent to Disney World out there, but that's some sad shit.

The ONE positive I've figured out of this is the fact that he won't be a Microsoft Office drone like the rest of us for 40+ hours a week. That also means no Working Man's Diary dude. Just buy the pistol now.

I Remember My First Dunk

Like it was yesterday. It was off a perfectly missed shot and the stars aligned. Basically just tapped that shit in and held onto the rim. Created the illusion that I was a legend when I was essentially a lay-up magician. David Blaine'n my way into the hearts of Freshmen Orientation.

That was me being a rockstar back in college. This is a dude that was most assuredly rushed to the hospital for what could be a multitude of reasons. I don't know, maybe it was the 7 foot fall. Possibly the 10 pound basketball hoop lodged into his neck. If it's not those things, it's 100% the millions of glass shards that impaled his brain. Pick your poison.

This video will probably get taken down because I'm only 2% kidding about this dude probably being dead.

NY Basketball Is Saved

I've seen it all over my facebook walls, @WMsDiary's Twitter feed, and through a slew of text messages and voicemails. I get it. Renaldo Balkman is back home where he belongs. The day of reckoning has finally fallen upon the NBA and now NYC is back on the basketball maps.

Out of all the mistakes the NY Knicks have made as a franchise, the most obviously painful of them all was when they traded Renaldo Balkman. I mean the man was a 2nd round pick from the basketball mecca of South Carolina. A true one of a kind prospect. I shed thousands of tears and renounced myself as a Knick fan until they answered my farfetched wish of bringing him back home. Hey Miami, Boston, and Chicago--Balkman's on your ass.

But seriously--dude is going to register the most DNPs this season. I'm fairly certain he can't make lay-ups and that 0.80 rebounds a game is certainly intimidating.

Domino's Driver Saves Customer's Life Cause Her Order Wasn't In...My God

You know your food delivery habits are bad when fast food employees notice you haven't ordered and automatically assume your life is in danger...when it actually is. Apparently every day for the past three years, 82-year-old Memphis native Jean Wilson has ordered a large, thin-crust pepperoni pizza and two diet cokes from a local Domino's Pizza (8,760 slices and 2,190 DC's in total - somebody had to break it down). Domino's driver Susan Guy had the presence of mind to check on her when the usual wasn't called in for three days. Just recently she was on the Today Show telling the tale.

Excuse my Irish when I say this but can I call a timeout here and remind you that we're talking about fuckin' Domino's Pizza? I'd be livid if there was a delivery lady rummaging around my front lawn because I didn't go with their service that day. Maybe the pepperoni's were starting to taste bad after three years of crushing whole pies I don't know. Shit maybe I just wanted a sandwich instead.

Then she immediately dialed 911 because no one answered the door. Jesus lady, it's just a customer who likes pizza. How do you know she's stuck in her house? It's not an option for her to stroll down the street and catch some rays? Good thing for her sake the customer was down otherwise she'd be checked into an insane asylum.
 
So in the end Pizza woman is recovering and is expected to return home soon for some more Domino's. She's gotta be thankful no one like Craw was on the delivery scene that day...I guess they don't call them the pizza delivery experts for nothing.

This Cat's Awesome

Got no real quips, or hilarious jargon to go along with this. Just burning that midnight oil, hitting the blogs before the sun rises.

My effort and determination into the wee hours of the morning personify exactly the opposite of what this cat is about. That's why I'm a nerd and this cat is awesome.

Craw & G...Get Ready For 3-D Dodgeball

That being said, we'd absolutely get smashed in real competition. I simply don't have the wherewithal to get my bearings out there. I'd be tripping, stumbling, and 100% causing the team more harm than good.

And what's with that dude just flipping from pad to pad? If that was during a game, that was easily the most baller thing I have ever seen, and I've watched fucking Slam Ball.

This "sport" obviously takes place in some backwards city like Bismarck, Nebraska or some other place that sees basic rules and concepts and throws them out the window. Whatevs, I like it, and we're signing up guys. No questions asked.

shouts to ER for the idea

I Shouldn't Be THAT Pumped About Eating McDonald's Breakfast

Woke up like it was Christmas morning yesterday. Holidays mean one thing to the kid Dub Jeezy: an ample opportunity to "treat" myself to a hearty Mickey Deez breakfast.

As I was sitting there giggling like a mofo, stuffing my face with hash browns and sausage biscuits, I took a second to evaluate things. It was like facing the fact I was an alcoholic or something. I was far too excited about 1) making it to a fast food outlet for the breakfast meal before 10:30AM 2) seeing the breakfast menu in real life, and not in my dreams. Some genuinely concerning shit.

The atmosphere wasn't exactly "poppin" either. There were like three maybe four bums strewn throughout the establishment. When you can't decide whether one person in a group of bums is a bum or not, you're not in a good place. Can't overlook that they have a sandwich that is at least 1/3rd egg made within 15 seconds either. Shit's definitely gross. I just overlook it. It's like dating that hot girl who has undeniable flaws that will slowly eat away at you as time goes on. Except it's a sausage, egg, and cheese on a biscuit. Tomato, Tomatoe.

It's damn near Wednesday and I'm still buzzin' from that meal like I saw a sick concert or some shit. I'm inches away from getting the budget Dr. Phil on the line and checking myself into some rehab.

PS. Why is every McDonald's commercial littered with black people these days? Was I brainwashed?

The Death of Bieber Fever

Poor little Biebs. It would be a shame to die while everyone is still constantly on your ass for not having hit puberty yet. But maybe getting gunned down by the FBI gives you the testosterone cred necessary to be considered a man (even if you do sing at about the same octave as Mariah Carey.)

Oh babyy babyy babyy ooooh... bring on the 3D glasses, Justin, because I'm totally going to see your new movie now.

<3G

How Awesome Would It Be To Have KG In Your Corner In A Standard Work Environment

We saw it this weekend...Round 1 of the three-point contest when Paul Pierce rose to the occasion and hit his last three shots to advance to the final round...When usual rival LeBron James led the East back into the mix in the closing minutes of the All-Star game.

Kevin Garnett courtside straight up losing his mind.

I couldn't think of anything more gratifying then to have KG on my left while wrapping up a phone sale in the office. "Why yes, thank you sir. Okay now. Absolutely. Have a great day." That's what I'm (expletive) talking about. (Expletive expletive, expletive expletive, expletive (mean grin) expletive) YEAH. "Hey thanks Kevin, glad to see the enthusiasm in the workplace."

But really...What if Garnett brought his celebratory on-court antics to real life? How pumped is the waiter when KG is satisfied with his steak dinner? The real estate agent selling him his new house? The mail man when he's recognized for being on time every morning?

Maybe it's a bit overwhelming but the office for one is lacking energy. Somebody's gotta step up and bring the fire. Could be my calling. I'll let you know if I'm kindly escorted out of the office tomorrow.

Ok, I Tried To Pretend That Yogi Bear Didn't Happen, But Justin Timberlake, What The Hell Man?

I'm still bumping the shit out of "Future, Sex, Lovesounds" on my Ipod in straight up denial that Justin Timberlake opted to play Boo Boo in the terrible animated film "Yogi Bear."

We get it, you've made some funny SNL skits, popped into some decent movies, and have collected the most dimepiece's phone numbers in your ho-lodex. But how about you put that white tuxedo shirt and bow tie back on and get back in the fuckin' booth bro. I never say this, but do it for the fans. Bieber's out here stealing your name, your gimmick, and he achieved something you never did--A Celebrity All-Star Game MVP.

I feel like god damn Eminem trying to bring Dr. Dre out of his hole. But instead I'm a blogger begging a former pop-star to stop getting with beautiful women and making movie checks. A life's a life I guess.

It's Safe To Say 'Black Thanksgiving' Was A Smashing Success

I didn't say it, CNN did. Lets be honest, someone had to say it. Surprised it was the confusing duo of Michael Wilbon and David Aldridge that stepped up and broke it down, but the blacktastic elephant in the room needed to be revealed.

As a black person, I thought Thanksgiving was pretty black to begin with. Didn't think we needed another one, but once I saw the All-Star game in Las Vegas, I knew it became it's own entity. Barring Pac-Man Jones losing his god damn mind and shooting strippers, it actually became a nice, SAFE place for black entertainment to connect. God knows the culture needed it after the debacle that was the Source Awards.

Ironically, "Black Thanksgiving" was dominated by: a 16 year old Canadian white kid and a half black/white ginger. A true sign of progress folks. Next order of business is to get myself and WMD corporation to the next All-Star weekend. Maybe we can use our imaginary company card to fund it. Now that I think about it..maybe we should hold off on that idea.

Craw will get kindly escorted out of the state due to terrorizing at least 3 Boston Celtics. G will IMMEDIATELY get whisked away by Kevin Durant or some shit. I probably just won't come back because Boston is cold as shit 100% of the time.

Proposing At Cinnabon Just Won't Get It Done

I know we all love Cinnabon but come on bro. Even if it was wrapped up in your head that you first laid eyes on your woman there you still don't get the green light to propose in front of the masses crushing A Bon Pain in back. There wasn't a more memorable setting in your time together that would be more appropriate? If the answer is no then anyone in their right minds would be running for the parking lot with car keys in hand.

Damn...there are just a number of things that could be much improved here. Somebody track down Hitch for this dude. Song choice for one is crucial. That's why you don't have some 30-year old karaoke singer come out of nowhere and belt out Sweet Caroline while strumming a few G chords (yes, her name is Caroline...we get it...but you gotta dig deeper)

And the speech too...I didn't pick up everything he said but it couldn't have been satisfactory by any means. At least the Cinnabon employee said she'd marry him in the end. I guess there's some light at the end of the tunnel my man.

Question: Do Sports Illustrated Models Exist In Real Life?

I'm being completely legitimate here. Been alive 23 years and haven't seen any real person that looked like this or anyone in that magazine.

Lived in New York and Boston, frequented some of the scummiest bars (wait) and haven't seen one of these minxes out in the wild. Or on the street. Ok, maybe it's the scummy bars I go to literally all the time. Seriously, whenever I think I'm at a nice place, it's revealed either through someone else or through harsh realization that it is at heart, a scummy bar. Maybe it's because the girl population balances out to a smooth 4.6 out of 10, but I'm beginning to lose faith that these people actually exist. Sure my overall Youtube bandwidth is suffering because I just had to view all videos associated with the 2011 magazine shoot, but that's not seeing them for reals.

Which is why I'm going to embark on my CGI theory, which isn't really a theory, it's just that I think these fake angels are just CGI. A gross waste of money, but a founded thought. I'm a fairly good looking dude, especially by blogging standards and I find it legitimately unbelievable that I haven't seen a perfect 12 with my own eyes.

Until that day comes, I'm going to be stubborn as fuck and mark them as avatars, Pixar film protagonists, and video game heroines.

"Carnivorous Domestic Robot Entertainment" ... We're All Screwed

There are SO many things wrong with the phrase "Carnivorous Domestic Robot Entertainment." Just to start, I don't want a carnivorous robot to exist anywhere, and definitely not domestically, AKA in my living room. And then I don't even want to address the fact that that these guys consider carnivorous robots to be entertaining. Wait, what? No, seriously... what?

Well, NPR just covered Auger-Loizeau Carnivorous Domestic Robot Entertainment design , which has developed a clock and lamp that literally eat bugs to power themselves, and a table that eats mice. I think we can all pretty quickly see the problem here (as well as multiple horror franchise development possibilities) with creating machines that eat meat.

Not only are we headed for a robot apocalypse, but we should also be seriously concerned about the mad scientist situation cooking up over here at the Carnivorous Entertainment club. This guy Auger is one bugged out clown target mask and voice synthesizer away from being a real life "Saw."

"A fly buzzing around the window" says Auger, "suddenly becomes an actor in a live game of life, as the viewer half wills it towards the robot and half hopes for it to escape."

OH. MY. GOD.

We're all going to die.

Dubai Really Screwed This Up, Huh?

In case you were wondering, this is dyslexia. And this is Dubai. They go hand in hand really.

I've never wanted to war a country more. Fuck oil, this is a MUCH more fightable offense. Possibly racist. Most definitely a confusion between popular black basketball players (i.e. Magic Johnson #32), but that's not the point. I just pray that Jordan doesn't get wind of this, for Dubai's sake. He'd 100% cause it to not exist by the end of the week.

Way to nail the sneakers though. Jackasses.

IHOP Going With The Ol' Unlimited Pancakes and Popcorn Shrimp Play

Yikes. I already have to go to the bathroom just looking at that. Let me get this straight IHOP, you're telling me I can theoretically eat thousands of shrimp and pancakes for the measly price of $10 ($10 actually factors into like $500+ due to the resulting medical expenses)?

This must be crumb-bum heaven right? Scrounge up some nickels and panhandle for like 4 hours and you can live like a king. A 4th world king, but a king nonetheless. Put the booze and mouthwash aside and literally DESTROY your insides with one of the most diabolical combinations ever conceived. This is like the Wade/LeBron evil empire version of the food world. The Deathstar being the toilet obviously.

I'm scared, but dangerously intrigued. At the hint of this post, Craw immediately raised his hand and suggested we go immediately. Looks like we'll have a real life (or death) account of this fatal union before long.

This Piece Of Shit Crushed It At The Westminster Dog Show?

1) That's just a lint duster. 2) This dog is insulting to the grace and spirit that is the Westminster Dog show.

Just mopey as all hell--piss poor demeanor on it's face. If they gave out awards for being bitter and having previously-thought-to-not-exist Dumbo sized ears then dole them out to this mofo. But I watch the WM dog show to be dazzled and taken away to another place. This fella up here saw the tradition, shit on it, and set that aforementioned shit on fire. Come on man. If Ms. America can get her crown revoked, there better be some whispers/Us Weekly covers about this dust mop getting indicted or some shit.

Travesty.

Reality Mario Kart Back At It

I posted a while back on some dude taking Mario Kart to the streets and it looks as though he's ripping it up again while testing a few new routes. So how many near death experiences...or better yet how many times has he actually been to prison for acting out a video game in everyday life?

Gotta love when he cruises into the mall and pit stops at the fruit section for bananas. How upset (or amused) are these security guards after him indoors? Give him a break though...the guy is just trying to solidify some wins and break course records. If you think this is bad check the Pac Man escapade...

This Guy Thinks Gay Marriage Is Basically "Robots" Getting Married

^fast forward to 1:16 for the fireworks

If I were gay, this wouldn't even upset me. Anytime I can get equated to a robot means it's a good day. But this guy lost me (and the crowd) when he started referring to Star Trek--the old one. Not even the shit with Zoe Saldana's fine ass. I can't get down with nerd references amidst serious issues.

Plus why is this dude or no one for that matter wearing a suit or anything? Isn't this some sort of important legislation for the institution of same-sex marriage? People talking about fucking Spock and that dude with 7 foreheads and wearing Zulu garb on the podium. Nothing is sacred anymore.

Oh Word?

Every other day I walk out the door to walk to the T this happens. I don't pull out the IFlip and detail that shit. It's just not that interesting.

It's like: 1) exit the door, 2) lock the door, 3) say a half hearted prayer, 4) make my best effort to dodge a mini-avalanche. That's my morning. Ohhh, you're on the thruway and your vision is obstructed for 10-15 seconds while going 75mph, blah, blah. Cry my a river random motorist.

I'm just kidding. I was screaming throughout the climax of that video. Overpass avalanches are no fucking joke.

127 Hours Looks Absolutely Horrifying In Lego Form

To start things off, there's zero percent chance I was ever going to see this movie. Mainly because of James Franco's happy-go-lucky ass, double-mainly because of the gory arm sawing scene. Apparently the dude cut off his arm with a fucking Taco Bell knife or some next level shit. Let's face it, I'm dead on the fall let alone absolutely declining the option of putting in work with that plastic butter knife.

Back to the point of the post. This Lego character's anguish is almost more advanced than whatever James Franco's construction of pain is. Nothing more pure than my man up there seeing his plastic arm chillin' under a yellow octagon.

Legos are still thriving huh?

Those Movie Editing Nerds Are Up To Their Tricks Again...

You see videos like these and you think about dedication. Like, these movie nerds know what they're getting into with these. They are watching a billion clips, putting together a Youtube video that'll probably get 300,000 views, tens of thousands of comments, and that's it. Not one make out. Maybe like 15 dollars each. No fame.

The difference between me and these guys is that I put in minimal effort for minimal result. No heightened expectations over here. I know that my piss poor excuse for video searching and lack of proofreading isn't going to bring me models and bathtubs filled with diamonds.

Truth be told, it's brought a couple 3s, maybe one 5, and like 18 dollars that I'm keeping from Craw and G.

Watson Vs. Ken Jennings = The Plot Of Terminator

^Fuckin' Brad. Get out of here bro. Your facial hair is offensive.

I've regretfully seen every Terminator movie multiple times and this Jeopardy scenario is more or less the plot of each movie. You know, the idea of making a computer that can think because we're lazy and we're tired of seeing human nerds like Ken and that son of a bitch Brad win each night. On the surface, I'm definitely 100% down for this Watson to come in and crush the scene on Jeopardy. First off, you'd be able to finish every game on time because Watson will have shit to say during the "what's good with your life" segment Alex wants to shoot himself to every night. No more, "I put toy ships in bottles" and "I knit sweaters" crowd. Straight business from Watson each and every night.

Then there's that Terminator scenario that is always looming behind your shoulder. Maybe one day Watson gets a question wrong and Alex is like, "Ohh, so close, it was actually leiderslautsen" and Watson responds, "Nah, playa....You're wrong" and the camera's go black. Brad would be the least of our problems at that point. I can't go to the bars in good conscience knowing that a computer killed Alex Trebek a few hours before. Just not a good look for the night. Plus I don't want to deal with fighting something like Watson. Throwing punches at a 5'11 Iphone or some shit.

I'll probably watch each and everyone of these episodes with "I told you so" queued up on all my text messages to the entire list of contacts.

Elements Wiz Really Putting Me to Shame

Are you kidding me? This two year old prodigy is already stating elements like she's in high school chemistry and young professional Craw over here still can't even get his times tables straight (no joke...I know). At least we know there's people out there still hitting the books when most of us assume we're heading towards complete idiocracy. If this isn't convincing enough check this kid reciting the Gettysburg Address.

You know how I got by science classes back in the day? ahem...I cheated...and look at me now rolling in the cash (yeah...right). You only need to catch the first 30 seconds to realize she'll likely be some type of medical guru in the years to come. Just really throwing it in my face 6:53 in with an alphabet break.

Shaq-o-meter Tells No Lies

So this is the Boston Globe's new way to get across how much snow we're getting this winter. Glad to see they found a way to demonstrate how Nate Robinson's already in over his head. Really puts things in perspective when you see a snow chart in comparison to Shaquille O'Neal's height.

Makes sense right? There are definitely some cars out there still covered in snow that will undoubtedly be out of commission by the time April rolls around. Hopefully the season won't become more of an issue but the Shaq-o-meter clearly tells no lies.

Ski Lift Proposals? No.

^"I <3 U Jenna. Will You Marry me?"

I'm sure Jenna is a lucky girl, but if my guy popped the question while I was in winter sports action mode, wearing spandex Underarmour, a puffy coat, and goggles, I would just have to not marry him by default because clearly he could never satisfy me.

I changed my mind: Get out while you still can, Jenna.

The only good that can come of this picture is if that snowboarder in the righthand corner skids through that snow heart and ruins the entire thing, causing the chain of skiers to collectively slow chant "Asshole... Asshole" at him his entire way down the mountain. I mean, I would definitely at least watch that on Youtube.

Sometimes Just About Anywhere Is A Good Place To Sleep

I feel you kid...Just trying to make it through the Monday grind any way possible. I'm not sure but I think I caught myself snoring at my own desk this morning. It was almost as though my co-workers heard but were too embarrassed for me to call it out. Wish I could've had a shoe 2/3 my size to nestle right into.

Remember scheduled nap time back in pre-school? I was surely one of the handful of rebels who made it a point to stay up and make noise. It's all coming back to haunt me now. If I could go back I'd utilize every nap opportunity given like this dude right here. Just a baby who's already got his priorities in line.

Alright, What's Going On With These Mascot-Eating-Cheerleader Videos Popping Up?

Someone had to say something. Sure the first one was just playful enough to not be creepy, but this one is just like, "Whoa."

Logistically, I just don't know where this poor cheerleader can go, because it's becoming less and less likely that a person is operating these killing machines. Do we ever see the full video of these? Like what happens 10 seconds after this little gif? I'm pretty sure the mascot just casually strolls off to the sidelines and everyone just chalks up a loss for that cheerleader. As calm and collected as a brutal murder can get. Also, what creature was this mascot? It's either a raccoon or a dog/fox with a mischievous mask on. I'm going with the sketchy dog/fox because you're destined for decades of losing seasons if your mascot is a raccoon.

Moral of the story, these things have got to stop. I'm tired of buying milk and seeing countless "missing" cheerleaders on the carton.

NHL or MMA? You Decide

Three fights in four seconds. Two goals 1:20 into the first period. Damn...Somebody on the Dallas Stars must have said a few choice words directed at a Boston Bruins mother cause I don't know what else would spark this kind of play.

Does this lead me to better appreciate hockey...naahhh...

The Most Confusingly Racist Video Of All Time?

Like, even the 97% racist Youtube commenter community was thoroughly confused on this one. When the chicken sandwich crushed fake-Barack I was positive this was racist, but then I saw black supporters in the crowd. Then it got weird when the Chinese announcer was really getting into those lemon squirts. Lemon and a chicken sandwich? Colonel please.

THEN Barack comes back into the video after apparently dodging that giant chicken sandwich to feast on an even smaller version of what tried to kill him. What the hell just happened?

I don't know about you, but I'm keeping a keen eye on the far east.

Come On Now

Is it bad that the doll (I won't call it an action figure) is more jacked than the actual male it's depicting?

When the Dub Jeezy action figure comes out, you best believe he'll come equipped with his smudged blogging glasses (replica creepy laptop sold separately) and be permanently positioned in "blogging position"--meaning slumped up, chin to chest, laptop on lap, with like 13 taps open on the replica laptop.

You're Protesting the Egyptian Government? Fine, We're Taking Away Your Facebook.

^He looks so disgruntled because he can't update his status. 

Somehow, this seems like what parents today probably really want to do with their kids. "You didn't take the garbage out again? Fine- NO FACEBOOK." I don't really know how that would work, since you can check Facebook on basically your phone, your ipod, probably your watch in a secret Power Rangers hologram that I don't know about yet... but basically we're always linked in.

Unless you live in Egypt, in which case when the kids are misbehaving the government just shuts down the internet entirely. 

Say what? You want peace and equity and to end oppression? You're going to PROTEST? That's it... no more Facebook. Definitely no more Youtube. Now how will you laugh at that kid who sings "Teenage Dream"? If it snows, how will all of you update your status about it??

But seriously- Egypt just turned the internet off on an entire country like it was taking away TV privileges from a kid mouthing off. This is terrifying.

As for us, we just better band together with the people of Egypt by playing mindless internet games and reading mindless internet articles even MORE than usual.... Working Man's Diary the #1 supporter of the Egyptian cause? Check plus.

P.S. If only Craw's man in complete disbelief of the "internet"- whatever that is- could see this. I'd love to hear his commentary.

Flashmob Not Entirely What It's Hyped Up To Be

How upset would you be if you missed your train because the "Flashmob" decided to reign in on the South Station terminal and bust out Do Re Me? Maybe some people find it humorous or cute but when I'm in that kind of atmosphere it's all business.

What do you think someone like Kevin Garnett would do if he's en route to his next game and a group of husky 40-year old women start doing the chorus line out of nowhere? I can promise you it won't end well. I know the idea is to incorporate joy within the common scene...but to most of us city folk urgency comes before awkward spontaneity.

What Country Is This?

What? I need to know where this country is STAT because it just jumped to the top of the "places I don't want to be" list. If I can't travel around with a basket of bananas without getting raped and pillaged by monkeys, what can I do?

That's why the internet is great. This country could have had me fooled into making a visit, but all it takes is one solid monkey swarming video to make certain I'll never cross into their air territory--wherever it is. I also have to credit movies as well because "Hostel" just about settles the fact that I'm never stepping foot in Europe.

Have to give props to the media for looking out for me and making sure I'm not monkey swarmed or brutally tortured.