I've Just Been Chillin' In 1992 Like It Ain't No Thang

^coming to grips with the fact that I'll never be on this chick's level.

The kid Dub Jeez has just jumped head first into the smartphone scene, and let me tell you, it's fucking confusing. For a solid 2 years I thought I had a smartphone because it had a touchscreen and can get the demo for Pandora. Literally no one thought it was a good idea to tell me I was living in a dream world. Kind of like that special kid that sat in the back of the class and ate crayons. No one dared to ask that kid, "what's good with the crayons?"

Well all things considered, I basically have a Crayola 8-pack smeared all over my face because now I'm effing around in some uncharted territory. I felt like Father Time up in the AT&T store. Just confused as all hell taking a look at the new varieties of phones out these days--baffled by trivial things such as "QWERTY" keyboards and "4G." I swear I aged like 45 years throughout my 10 minutes in that stores. My knees started to seize up, vision got blurry, and I just started blurting out old-man borderline offensive nonsense, like "these kids today with their Youtubes and their Hello Kitty, and their Ninja Warrior." The scene wasn't pleasant.

I remember the first time my dad handled a CD player and me with this phone was not far off. It was reminiscent of that Zoolander scene where they tried to hack into the computer by throwing it on the ground. I literally had to Google how to remove the battery from my phone. My computer was fucking embarrassed of me. Google search just let out a thought bubble saying, "Seriously? Just throw me out the window and let's call it a day." Hey, you know what? I don't give a shit. 1992 was a good year. There was kindergarten, juice boxes, acceptable peeing in bed, and most of all..7 pound 4 ounce "Cell" phones that carried 12 buttons and a 2 foot long antenna.

Those were the god damn days...