Hmm, I Guess Turkeys Die At A Rapid Rate When It Rains. Because They Drown?

Yup, this is the exact cartoony dramatization of what happens when it rains and there's a turkey present. The turkey is literally FASCINATED at the fact that water is coming from the sky to the point that it will gape in awe until it's dead.

It wouldn't be true WMD fashion if I didn't find this absolutely hilarious and search feverishly for a Youtube video of this actually happening, but alas, none exist. Probably some snuff film type of thing that will add on to the incriminating shit I have on this computer. Anywho, turkeys are fast becoming the most fascinating animals to me. Each and every day I find out something that moves them one step forward and a couple of steps back. They are eerily fast as shit. Possibly a top ten land-speed animal on this planet. This little drowning factoid however, plummets them off the cool cliff.

Seriously, what could possibly be going on with the turkeys in South America? You know how you go to bed after a big rain storm and expect to see a few worms struggling out on the streets? Imagine being Amazonian and waking up and seeing turkeys strewn throughout your neighborhood. That'd alter your day somehow. Most likely for the worst. You hear people in the office talking about traffic or car trouble--you can trump that with your tale of turkey mass suicide. The boss will probably let you leave at noon upon that news.

On Thanksgiving, before you break that wishbone and say grace, remember that your turkey could have possibly died via accidental drowning suicide during a rain storm. That folks, ain't a baller Thanksgiving.