Zuckerberg's Girlfriend Doesn't Do It For Me, And Probably The Majority Of The Straight Male Population

The chip on your shoulder routine needs to stop Mark. We got it before. It was cool to date that not-so-attractive girl when you were the up and coming nerd that was making waves throughout the Harvard school newspaper. Now you're worth like $6 billion and still dating this chick? I don't get it.

You're a strange looking dude, I get it, but you have the ultimate equalizer--the $6 billion Scrooge McDuck pool made solely of gold coins in your basement. You have slightly more money than "Arab Money"--is that offensive? Not sure. But anyway, you should be pulling chicks like this. I'm sure she's single. In fact, I know she'll be single the minute you click "yes" to "would you like a receipt" after your next ATM transaction. Step your game up MZ.

PS. You KNOW this is the best this girl can possibly look. If I can effortlessly pick up the exact mold of one of the most powerful people in world's girlfriends at a bar on a god damn Wednesday you know there's a problem. Or I'm really attractive. Or both.