Need to have a baby, STAT. I mean, I won't be very good at feeding it or taking care of it in general, but how baller is a baby attached to a baby strap? I'm just here to break barriers guys.
The little (I hope to GOD) guy will just be smiling and giggling for no reason because there isn’t an ounce of knowledge in his eerily soft head and I will reap the benefits. Let’s talk about the big decisions though. If I wore the baby on my back like a Northface there is risk of him just getting straight up stolen while I am taking a nap on my lunch break...or accidentally squishing him. Front end brings about the risk of vomit, which is just plain gross. I ain’t trying to get that Tide pen midday and waste valuable McDonald’s time.
Main reasons why I love these things: 1) The baby is just dangling, I find that hilarious. 2) I can say any joke, good or bad, and have the baby congratulate me via high five. 3) Ladies love babies dangling off a dude, probably a top 5 turn-on.
Problem is, how do I acquire a baby without going to jail or actually having one?
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