Can I At Least Get Shoes That Tie Themselves?

While these shoes make it look like you DEFINITELY have a house arrest bracelet, you can't knock the value here. I'll deal with all the creamsicle-related jokes with my "I'm never bending down again" rebuttal. Once you're able to deal with the stares and the laughs, I think you can resume a solid standard of living.

Hey, don't dare walk in the rain or else you are most definitely electrocuted.