Office plants. Yup. Bet you didn’t see that one coming. Office plants seem like a phenomenal idea before someone actually buys them. Oh yea, that person’s an asshole. Just looking for an opportunity to step up, but blind to the easier, less terrible options available. I know there are the “photosynthesis is awesome” and “what up oxygen?” naysayers around, but where are all my “fuck-fruit-flies” people? The FFF-federation (you are LOVING this alliteration) is a newly formed organization headed by me and the piece of newspaper on my desk. CEO and President. Straight massacring fruit flies. Thing is, this federation wouldn’t have had to come about if it weren’t for those taunting lilacs across the way. Yeah, they’re chillin’ being all sniffed up on by these flies, but what do the flies do when they aren’t sniffing? They’re terrorizing your daily activities. Need that form? Two fruit flies are having sex on it. Can you pass me that stapler? Ehh, I think there are like 4 dead fruit flies on it. See what I mean? Shit’s an epidemic.
Main thing that is really bothering me is I think fruit flies beat the system and are playing god right in front of you. I’m convinced of this because every fruit fly you kill turns into 3 more. Try it out. You can’t get rid of them no matter how much of a spree you’re on (NOTE: I killed like 7 in a row during a 3 minute stint and I could have sworn I heard the dude in HALO slowly say “Slayer”).
Fruit flies: pissin’ things off since the Paleozoic Era.
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