Can’t Be Bad That I’m Completely Fine With Eating a “Lion” Burger, Right?

If anyone knows the kid Dub Jeezy, they know he’s always on the quest to achieve complete baller-status, as long as it’s inexpensive and doesn’t require a whole lot of work.

The lion burger presents that option. Everyone at the table can be chillin’ with their Whoopers and Big Macs, but the eyes/attention will be focused on what’s on my plate. All it will take is a casual, “Oh, don’t mind me and my LION BURGER guys.” They’re rattled, can’t finish their food, and I walk out as a much more respected person. A simple equation really. Baller activities garner respect and lions are as baller as animals get. You know how hard it was to kill an adult lion in “Big Buck Hunter: Safari Edition?” No, you don’t. I unleashed an entire clip of shotgun shells to its dome and it briskly ran off the screen. As casual as anything can be with 6 rounds of shotgun in it’s face. The fact that I am eating a burger made of that beast can’t be seen as anything less than manly as shit.

Let’s talk about how many girls I can acquire with a Lion Burger, two tickets to the Wizarding World to Harry Potter, and an IPhone 4Gs. The last two are basically the only two things women care about right now anyway.