Giant Alligators Everywhere

I'm pretty much the bravest person most people will ever meet, but 800lb Alligators are where I draw the line. Shit's not a game anymore.

We all saw at least 17 minutes of Lake Placid whether we'd like to admit it or not and that shit was a comedy. It was an unrealistically large alligator and unrealistically large creatures are just straight funny. I don't know if that movie was a comedy or not, but that 17 minutes was definitely a gentle mix of torture and milk-coming-out-of-nose funny. 800lbs is not unrealistcally large...It's like seeing a 7'8 dude rolling through Stop & Shop just knocking over macaroni and cans of PAM. He might not be a bad dude, but I am getting the hell out of dodge. Same with the gators. I am going to pre-judge you because you're big as fuck. It's how life works. You can't be overly big or overly small in this world or else people we be scared of you or laugh at you. Tough cookies.

So needless to say, this solidifies me never, ever, moving to the dirty south at any point in my life unless I am somehow worth $17 million and can pay people to fend off giant mutant alligators.