Friday Night Tips: Do My (Or Your) Moves Cut It Out There?

I've been in the game for quite some time. The school-dance game, the bar game, the club game, you name it, I've been there with bells on. I've also recently gotten into the show "Lost" (late, I know) and I relate everything to survival now, so deal with it. Basically the dance floor is as nature channel we get as early/mid-20s men and women. We all watched that episode of "Planet Earth" where that weird bird with the face on its back had to dance it's ass off just to get some time with the girl. It's the same thing out there for us.

A combination of a good outfit, solid buzz, and a dastardly combo of game/smell should set you straight with most females out there. In some cases this leads you into part 2 of the battle. Level 2 for you video game nerds out there. Part two leads you to the dance floor 9 out of 10 times, so you best be prepared to get your weird bird-esque dance ritual going. I've been here. You can trust me. Most likely you're going to deal with either Top 40, some weird Reggae/Soca music, Hispanic music, or the classic singalong. Let's walk through each example and what you should do out there.

Top 40 is your best bet, because you know these songs and are comfortable moving with them. It's undoubtedly going to be a grinding scenario so literally all you have to do is show a semblance of rhythm and move your hips with the girl whether she's facing you or not. Easy money. Reggae/Soca will provide some issues for both of you. I don't even know what soca is, but I know there is a shit ton of disorienting sounds and indistinguishable languages. The best case scenario is if both parties know what they are doing. Worst is if one does. That's how people get hurt. The guy being overambitious and trying to keep up with a girl that knows how to work it to these tracks will be an unsuccessful guy. Just stay at home like they told you to in "Hitch"--if you haven't seen that movie, you shouldn't be reading this blog. Hispanic music essentially tells everyone who is not hispanic to get off the dance floor immediately. You can take the risk of doing it, I know I have, but it's simply not a good look. Swiveling about rubbing your belly and waving one hand in the air won't win you the game. Singalongs are a great bonding experience. A "You know this song?! I LOVE this song" type of deal. This scenario is more about knowing the words than dancing well to it. Fuck up the words to "Don't Stop Believing" and best believe she will be giving you that number with the fake Arkansas area code at the end of the night.

It's a simple game that is pretty tough to win, like Minesweeper on Expert. Yes, the bar/club dance scene is exactly like Minesweeper.

Happy hunting out there readers. Have a swell weekend.