Juice: Steadily Becoming The Hottest Post-Grad Commodity Since Toilet Paper

^While I wish I was talking about this juice, sadly I am not. I'm literally just talking about juice. You can stop reading now if you want.

At the very least, 8 times, someone will chirp, "do we have any juice?" throughout my apartment. That is usually followed by a "no" and a resounding "fucckkkk." Then usually an argument about who brought in the last batch of Sunny D, or some Saturday cartoon variety juice product. Think about it. When you were little, the fridge was stocked with more juices than your heart can imagine. Some shit you didn't even understand. Like, what is pomegranate juice? Either way, you were in a surplus. Odds are, you aren't now. You'll be lucky if you have soda in your fridge.

I knew something had to happen. I'm thirsty at least 94% of the day. It's definitely an underlying health problem that'll show itself when I'm in my 50s, but now the only thing that'll fix it is juice. At school I had the dining hall, and when I was too lazy to do that, I had "drank." Drank was the drink mix that happened to be on sale that week at the supermarket (sooo college) and was composed of either, kool-aid, lemonade, iced tea, or a dangerous combination of all three. It was enough to keep me alive. Now, I have to shop for juice on the reg and shopping ain't baller..well unless you're purchasing baller shit.

What I am trying to say in this rant is that juice is soo good. You don't need to slum it with tap water. I just got a gallon (literally) of Minute Maid Fruit Punch for $1.75. Sure, there's probably spider eggs in it or something crazy, but that's a TJ Maxx level deal, and I don't pass those up.

On that note, good night America. I warned you not to read this.