Hammered Dude Gives CPR To Possum That Potentially Lived In My Basement Because He Was Well...Hammered

^Sometimes pictures and titles are matches made in heaven..

Here at WMD Enterprises, we don't make things up (blatant, blatant lie), and I am not shitting you when I say, CNN strikes another gold mine in hilarious real-life action/drama situations.

Basically, some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge...wait those are the lyrics to "Stan." This dude actually was hammered, saw a friendly (fiercely scary) woodland creature incapacitated on the side of the road and said, "Hey, I'm not certified or anything, but I think I can safe this little critter", and starts passionately making out with this dead possum. Now I know the difference between drunk CPR and being wildly, ridiculously lonely to the point where you get your jollies from making out with roadkill. Shit ain't cool man. I'm surprised the cop didn't start vomiting on site.

On a more positive side-note, I'm glad that sunufabitch possum that took extended residence in my basement finally got what's coming to him. What worse of a way to go out than already being dead and having a drunk guy making out with you? That's rock-bottom and you can't tell me otherwise. It's like being up in possum heaven and having a possum-angel telling you, "yo dude, I don't want to not tell you what's happening hear, so in an effort of full disclosure...there is a drunk dude making out with your lifeless body."

Rock-bottom. Shouldn't have left poo pellets in my basement...