Scientists Find 400 Year Old Clams And Instantly Kill Them

^ wonder what the chowder would have tasted like

Call me hasty and uninformed, but scientists are pretty worthless.

The Jetsons told me that by the year 2000, we should have hover-cars, pellets that contain three-course meals, robot maids, and sprockets. Where are we now? I’m still getting the common cold every 3 weeks, there hasn’t been a device created to help me find the remote when it’s stuck somewhere in the couch, and I still have to cook food. COOK I tell you!

Now you guys are killing 400 year old clams that were most assuredly wise as hell. Those clams could have been the modern day Zordon to my Red Ranger. But nooo, you guys had to immediately cut them in half because you assumed they were dead. Sounds pretty inept to me. Wait a second. Now that I think about it, I should be a scientist. High pay, no real expectations, and tons of notoriety.

Maybe they’re not so worthless after all…