NBA All-Star Weekend

^...I'm on to you Zach Randolph.

In what can be donned as the “blackest event” of the year (that isn’t the BET Awards or the now defunct Source Awards), the NBA All-Star game came to Dallas last night.

NBA All-Star Weekend tends to kick the shit out of all other sports’ all-star events. The Pro-Bowl was laughable, baseball sucks, and I’m pretty sure the NHL can’t afford to have an all-star game. Oh, the NBA can afford it. When you combine Mark Cuban and Jerry Jones, at least 10 million get tossed around for no reason.

Celebrity game: let’s watch T.O., an uncomfortably old Dominique Wilkins/Clyde Drexler, Lisa Leslie (playing the role of Juwanna Mann), and random shit actors struggle to dribble and hit lay-ups (sorry Turk). Not my cup of tea.

Rookie-Sophomore Game: aka All-Star game Jr. It is by far the most selfish, arrogant, display of basketball played all year. It was awesome. Michael Beasley lost his mind and shot roughly 46 shots while recording zero passes. Brook Lopez was wayy to chill to be pissed though.

Skills Challenge: No one really tries and Steve Nash is the man, so he deserved to win.

Three Point Contest: My money (none because I have none) was on the youthful Stephen Curry. He literally has 2 of the most awkward patches of pseudo-goatee I have ever seen. He needed that trophy to get into the bars and after-parties that night. Too bad Paul “I must be tripping balls on ‘shrooms because I said I am one of the best shooters in NBA history” Pierce won.

Slam Dunk Contest: Awful. DeRozan did have a very legit dunk with that between the legs, 2-handed reverse, but everything else was borderline pathetic. I don’t care what any of you say, but, Gerald Wallace was shitfaced from the moment his plane landed in Dallas until Monday morning. He did two 2-handed dunks and called it a Saturday, because there were more drinks to drink. In the game itself, he air-balled a shot and dribbled out of bounds. He played it exactly how I would on my first all-star game appearance. Good man.

The All-Star Game itself: Made up for everything pretty much. A phenomenal final song in an otherwise shitty concert that made you forget about the 10 other shitty songs the band played. Err something. I feel like every player (except drunk-ass Gerald Wallace and old-ass Tim Duncan) had 20 pts. Everyone was flying around, hitting shots, and entertaining the crowd. It was truly a display of the best basketball players in the world on one court. I wish the game went about 7 overtimes, forcing Kobe to sub in and take 13 shots in a row with a sweater vest, sprained-ankle, and Lebron-Wade double teaming him. Oh yea, Dwight Howard hit a 3. Good Sunday.

Oh yea, I guess Valentine’s Day happened too. Must have missed the memo on that one.