Dick Palmer's Guide To The Forbidden Fruit

#1.) The Valentine's Day Vegetarian

Note to self: Don't order beef stew when taking out a dainty vegetarian girl.

Is it really a big deal? I think not, but needless to say me and vegetarians don't go well together. Conversation is poor at best. "Soo, why don't you eat meat?", "Well I read this book and it was like all about ousfbvwlrb animal rights lqhfouhwc and like some much blood ljhcojceniqhfei and I was like OH MY GOD! That's soooo gross and ojheoeifiefwbiu." …..Please stop talking. I don't even like beef stew, but after having Assorted Cheeses for an appetizer I needed something that had cow in it. Better stew than steak right? Maybe? No? I Still got a little makeout sesh at the end of the night but in my attempt for round 2 a few days later I got the text back reading, "Sorry, I really didn't feel a connection." You would think Valentine's Day would be a layup, but to me it seems like judgement day. Watch yourself fellas because on this day women are sizing you up, picturing the relationship, the wedding, the house, the kids… I'm just trying to get to date #2 and/or score a little action. As for the V-day Veggie… chalking up a loss on this one.