Poop In The Soda

^This guy, my friends, is full of shit. GET IT?!!?!

But seriously, just as I am wrapping up a fairly mediocre Sprite, I read this article. It becomes frustrating how something as mild mannered as a fountain soda can be contaminated with feces. What can I trust anymore? If they one day say Double Cheeseburgers are "Now 100% Beef", I am going to start freaking out, beating people up and flipping chairs.

Someone tell me how I am supposed to continue my week knowing I probably ingested someone else's waste. The week is a wrap and it's only Tuesday.