The Middle School Dance That Is Life...

-I think they are waltzing? Definitely have to get on my shit and stop booty scraping all over Boston bars and nightclubs--what up Juiceman?! Haha

Let's break down the middle school dance sociology for a second. Of course we are going to break it down from the perspective of a young, suave, 8th grade Dub Jeezy.

I wake up the day of the dance in a cold sweat, near the point of pissing my pants, because guess what? I have to dance with a girl that night. Who prepared me for this? Damn sure wasn't Cinemax. School is just a god damn minefield on dance day (D-day? Normandy? I'll stop), with most of the kids walking on egg shells, rethinking their dates and shit (and realizing that you don't have a date because you would have thrown up if you asked her). While I was the man, I was definitely unable to put together a snazzy outfit. My mother re-edited my digs like 4 times. Just straight disappointed in her kid, fearing for her possibilities as a grandmother. I then loaded on some awful cologne, got there and definitely blacked out.

That is like a memory I can't recall for the life of me. There was no punch to spike and still there is no recollection of the events of that night. I vaguely recall accidentally touching a butt and getting the hell out of there. It was the fuckin' Civil War out there. Guys manning one side and girls running this town on the other. Obviously you had the weirdos sprinkled in there dancing their asses off, but they didn't represent a blip on the radar. It was a problem then and now that I realize it, it's a problem now.

While I have improved my women skills over the years, one thing is still for certain. Guys will always be on one side and girls on the other. Always has been that way, always will. First girls had cooties (which I fully believed to be a real disease, check my 3rd grade journal), then girls were hot, but your feet were made of stone so you couldn't walk to them. Next, girls recognized their attractiveness and used it to their advantage, making us (guys) jump through hoops/buy expensive things/act a damn fool for them, now guys and girls at my specific age have a force field around each other so neither side knows what the hell to do. It's like a prison break at this stage. Some make it out and some just stay in the prison walls. I'm currently the guy digging his way out of his cell with a plastic spoon. No expectations just hope out here in the concrete jungle. Sure one day, I'll have a breakthrough, but overall, early 20s is the fight of your life. There's no telling what's around the corner and you have to make things happen or they won't happen at all.

Needless to say, I have a metal spoon now, and I have been pounding through DVDs of Oz. Night ya'll.